Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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