oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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