I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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