that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
