my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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