Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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