hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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