I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
