I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
