I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
