I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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