seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
