you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
