there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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