Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she looked like the before picture.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
