oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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