i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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