so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize