Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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