just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
