She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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