i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
