I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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