My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
