toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
