i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
