K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
