I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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