K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this just has baby written all over it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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