you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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