Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
