I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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