Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
