i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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