i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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