Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
