Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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