So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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