I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
