wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
