her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
