Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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