I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
