I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
