I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
