there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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