I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
