now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
