Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
