Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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