you didnt know i had herpes?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
