I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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