All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
