Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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