Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
