Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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