I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
