woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
