She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
