do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
