What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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