You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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