If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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