Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we're so committed to being not committed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
