Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
